You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm really into asian looking animals
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In other news, I just burned my penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
