I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
