after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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