What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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