honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
