I think my vagina is haunted
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
