I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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