I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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