We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
