I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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