I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
