You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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