Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
