So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize