I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
tell me about the fingering
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
