im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We need a shit load of segways right now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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