I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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