She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
