The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
