Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
