all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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