Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
