he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
