The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
