I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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