Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have aggressive nipples.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
