If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
