How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
