we have officially lost it.
it was like eating out sand paper
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
