Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
