the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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