her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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