yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize