im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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