Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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