i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize