i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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