Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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