i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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