I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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