your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
