An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
