btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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