pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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