my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
