Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
