I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
