Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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