I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He shit in the fireplace
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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