I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
should my penis look like a turkey
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
