i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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