I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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