We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
