I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
