How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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