where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
