I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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