Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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