just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
